How to survive married life without a child

     It is not easy to live a life filled with expectations and frustration, hopes and unfulfilled dreams, especially when you've sacrificed so much. You have so many plans when you got married, but there are uncontrollable circumstances which are preventing these plans to happen.

     I keep on reminding myself that I'm not the only one struggling with infertility, but sometimes when I'm alone at home, having a check-up in a clinic, or even when in malls, I can't help but think about it. It's hard to be in that state of mind where I feel sorry for myself, get envious of others or hate the world for something that I don't have. Each day is a struggle, a step towards surviving married life without a child.

     Just because I'm a woman, and can get too emotional sometimes, I've decided to make a list of My Survival Tips:

Have faith in God that everything happens for a reason

Prayer always does wonders especially if you have faith. Whether we like it or not, we have to accept what will happen because "You can't always get what you want". Only God knows what's in store for us and by slowly accepting reality, somewhere along the way, you will also learn your purpose in life.

Regularly express and show your love to your spouse as reassurance that you're in this together -

Let your husband know how you feel and that you appreciate his efforts. Nobody wants to feel neglected so even with your busy schedule you should always communicate. Maybe he also wants to share ideas on how to overcome your struggles and just don't know how to start. This will strengthen your marriage and get through life's hardships together.

Start a hobby of something you really love to do

Everyone has something that he or she likes. Whether it's a hobby when you were a child or one that you've recently grown fond of. Hobbies are proven to be beneficial because it's a great stress reliever. It can provide personal fulfillment, and you can also learn new things and even meet people with the same hobbies as yours.

Go out with friends or relatives as a couple

You may think that just by going out alone is helpful. But this doesn't apply to me. I get more conscious of my situation and what I don't have. In the end, I don't enjoy my time and I just miss my husband more. When you go as a couple, you have a "partner in crime" when it comes to answering inevitable questions. You will be safer especially when you have to go home late at night. And the feeling of joy and pleasure because your spouse is right there with you experiencing the same things as you do.

Participate in activities involving charity

Many of us are already busy with our work and career plans. But wouldn't it be more exciting and worthwhile if we are able to help those less fortunate? It doesn't have to be about money. But simply lending your hand in activities that would make their lives easier would be more than enough. To be honest, I haven't done this since way back in college. But if given the chance, I would do this again.

If you have the budget, take time to travel and explore different places together

This may not be applicable for everybody, but if you have extra money, traveling with your loved one also brings fulfillment. Besides seeing new places and meeting new people, this can also be an escape to relax your mind and divert your attention from the things that make you sad.

     Being married without a child doesn't have to be gloomy or depressing. We just have to make use of the life God has given, by living a meaningful life and appreciating what life has to offer.

     What are the things you do to overcome sadness & frustration of not having your own child? Let us share ideas and survive this ordeal. Send me your thoughts.



Photo credit: Fotasca; ninacoco; jonnypage   

 

My Husband: My Hero

    I seem to always talk about my experiences, my feelings and everything about me. I get so consumed by what's happening and not happening with my life that sometimes I tend to forget my significant other, the one who's been silently struggling as we deal with our infertility journey.

     I think everybody will agree that without the patience and understanding of our dear Darling Husband, we cannot go through this, even with our close family at our side.

     We've been married since 2002 and been trying since day 1. You can just imagine how painful it has been for both of us, especially when we've been hoping and praying to have a child since we got married. My husband always has a soft spot in his heart for little children.
This is actually one of the reasons why I fell in love with my guy. In my mind's eye, he would be the perfect father to our kids, if only he'd be given the chance.

     
     Beyond his love for basketball, cars, PC games, action flicks and good food, he's warmth and sincerity in all things he does and say, make him stand out above the rest. This personality of my DH gets him a lot of friends wherever he goes.

     Sure there are times when we get into squabbles and petty disagreements, which I admit are due to my oversensitivity. But we're not perfect. Every day I try to be a better version of the past me. However, oftentimes I think too much of myself and fail to see that he also has feelings and other concerns, which he usually prefers to keep to himself.

     I guess one common trait that most men have is their ability to keep cool. I often admire my husband's optimism that even if I'm at my lowest point or when disaster happens and nothing seems to work out...he can still manage to stay focused and remain positive. Someone who always reminds me to keep on hoping and never give up. Countless times, he has saved me from all these situations. Now I truly realize the true meaning of "for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part".

                                                                              

     I may not say this often but to me, after all we've been through, he'll always be my best friend and shoulder to cry on, my Superman! My one & only forever Love... my Hero.

     How do you feel about your husband? Do we share the same sentiments? Would love to hear from you. 


Photo credit: S_Xurble; Falcon_33 

The Art of Planner Decoration

     I've always been fascinated with arts especially if it involves lively colors and the opportunity to bring out one's creativity. Back in my school days, I used to excel in the Arts subject, and got to participate in different forms of arts, be it drawing or performing. I was lucky to still get the chance to do those kind of activities during my job in Robinsons Recreation Corp. But sadly, my succeeding jobs after that turned out to be monotonous, even boring most of the times.

     About a month ago, I got gifts from my cousin in the US, Ate Jeejay, that includes a cute planner from Barnes & Noble, together with cute stationeries, stickers and washi tapes. We were just talking about stationeries a few weeks back and about how fun it was during our childhood years when we collect these stuff and exchange or swap them just for fun. Little did I know that this kind of items & activities still exist even in this high-tech, gadget-dominated age.

     Out of curiosity and thanks to Pinterest & Instagram, I found different ways of how people organize and decorate their planners, where and how to use washi tapes, and other creative stuff that can be done if only one has the passion and inspiration to do so. Just looking at those photos seemed heaven to me! And because of that, and a little push from Ate Jeejay, I've decided to bring back the creative side of me and rediscover my love for Arts.

Stationeries, stickers, washi tapes & pens I got from Ate Jeejay

Here are some of the initial pages I've made for my cutie planner from Barnes & Noble. I'll try Filofax or Kate Spade next time, which are more famous for planner decoration fanatics

      
     I know this is just the beginning of my interest in planner organization but I feel that this will continue for a long time because in just a few days that I’ve done this, somehow it has added color and adventure to my dull & monotonous days. Now I can see the big difference between listing tasks on Ipad or Smartphone, compared to manually writing a list, schedules and notes on pages of paper especially if you can adorn it the way you like it afterwards. Besides crossing out each task you've completed, making your list a work of art as well is the sweetest fulfillment any creative mind would have. I'm officially a #PlannerAddict!

      This is one of the hobbies or activities besides the ones I mentioned in my previous post on How to forget your infertility struggles. Simple, fun and you can use your creativity and imagination. Just collecting different stationeries, washi tapes and cute sticky notes can be a hobby in itself.

     Have you tried planner decoration? If you haven’t yet, together let’s explore and join the bandwagon! Show me your decorated planner pages and I’ll show you mine. If you have suggestions or questions just let me know by posting them on comments below. Happy decorating!