We all have
felt struggles at some point in our lives. But not all of us are brave enough
to just talk it out especially when you have nobody else close to listen to
you.
The burden of infertility has taken its toll on me. And
no matter how I tried to shake it off it’s still there silently haunting me.
I’ve never been much of a talker. I would prefer
staying at home, watch movies or surf the net than mingle out or socialize with
people. I referred “people” because frankly I don’t even have a best friend
anymore. Last time I had was back in college, but since we graduated we seldom
had the chance to see and talk to each other and eventually our friendship died
off.
And then I got married. It was the first time I
really fell in love with somebody. I finally found someone I could share my
life with. My whole world revolved around him even when it seems our marriage
was against all odds in the beginning.
But just like any marriage, ours is not perfect. And it
is because of that flaw that I wrote this article... For those I’ve hurt
unintentionally. I’m hoping that you would understand where all my emotions and
actions are coming from.
To My Mom
Forgive me if I still couldn’t
give you a grandchild, even though this has been my dream ever since I got
married. Maybe God has other plans for me, and I’m still trying to find out
what it is.
To My Husband’s relatives
Forgive me if I don’t want to
attend your family gatherings, such as, birthdays, christening, and other
parties. Because if I did I’ll be seeing all the kids in your family, a
reminder that we’re the only couple without a child. And then you will ask me
again “When are you going to have your
own?”.Though you don’t mean any harm, even the most simple words hurt the most.
To My Husband
Forgive me if I get angry
every time you come home late at night. It’s just a wife getting worried with
her husband. You could have at least sent me a text message.
Forgive me if I seem to be a control
freak, but there’s just the two of us that’s why when I lose sight of you I
feel lost and empty. You just have to talk to me so I can get over it.
Forgive me if I want you to
spend at least one whole day with me on a weekend, because we’ve been busy with
work the whole week and that’s the only time we can be together.
Forgive me for being emotional
every time you play basketball with your colleagues or cousins, because I feel
that you’d rather be with them than spend time with me.
Forgive me for having these
thoughts because I’m most vulnerable when I’m all alone, and I just want
somebody to talk to.
To God
Forgive me if I don’t pray
hard enough. There’s only so much that I can do because in the end You will
decide on what will happen to me.
Forgive me if I feel that you’re
not listening to my cry for help even though I know that you’re always there even
in my quiet moments.
Forgive me for being jealous
and envious of those that you graciously bless with a child, for during these
moments I feel that you have forgotten me.
Photo credits:
Carol Von Canon; deeplifequotes