Forgive Me

      We all have felt struggles at some point in our lives. But not all of us are brave enough to just talk it out especially when you have nobody else close to listen to you.

                The burden of infertility has taken its toll on me. And no matter how I tried to shake it off it’s still there silently haunting me.

                I’ve never been much of a talker. I would prefer staying at home, watch movies or surf the net than mingle out or socialize with people. I referred “people” because frankly I don’t even have a best friend anymore. Last time I had was back in college, but since we graduated we seldom had the chance to see and talk to each other and eventually our friendship died off.

                And then I got married. It was the first time I really fell in love with somebody. I finally found someone I could share my life with. My whole world revolved around him even when it seems our marriage was against all odds in the beginning.

                But just like any marriage, ours is not perfect. And it is because of that flaw that I wrote this article... For those I’ve hurt unintentionally. I’m hoping that you would understand where all my emotions and actions are coming from.

To My Mom

Forgive me if I still couldn’t give you a grandchild, even though this has been my dream ever since I got married. Maybe God has other plans for me, and I’m still trying to find out what it is.

To My Husband’s relatives

Forgive me if I don’t want to attend your family gatherings, such as, birthdays, christening, and other parties. Because if I did I’ll be seeing all the kids in your family, a reminder that we’re the only couple without a child. And then you will ask me again “When are you going to have your own?”.Though you don’t mean any harm, even the most simple words hurt the most.

To My Husband

Forgive me if I get angry every time you come home late at night. It’s just a wife getting worried with her husband. You could have at least sent me a text message.

Forgive me if I seem to be a control freak, but there’s just the two of us that’s why when I lose sight of you I feel lost and empty. You just have to talk to me so I can get over it.   

Forgive me if I want you to spend at least one whole day with me on a weekend, because we’ve been busy with work the whole week and that’s the only time we can be together.

Forgive me for being emotional every time you play basketball with your colleagues or cousins, because I feel that you’d rather be with them than spend time with me.

Forgive me for having these thoughts because I’m most vulnerable when I’m all alone, and I just want somebody to talk to.

To God

Forgive me if I don’t pray hard enough. There’s only so much that I can do because in the end You will decide on what will happen to me.

Forgive me if I feel that you’re not listening to my cry for help even though I know that you’re always there even in my quiet moments.

Forgive me for being jealous and envious of those that you graciously bless with a child, for during these moments I feel that you have forgotten me.

Photo credits: Carol Von Canon; deeplifequotes